Fuck Apple. (Not a Paltrow hating rant)

Why do I hate Apple fanatics? There are multiple reasons on a technical level, but mostly I'll admit that it's probably because their entire community is chocked full of smarm.

We have thin computers, we don't left click mouse buttons, we have the wheel for Ipods, we have superthin cell phones.

You know what else you have whore? Sperm in your fucking mouth from sucking off a corporation that just used you for money. You know, whores usually know when they get used. It's their job. Apple fanatics on the other hand get fucked and wear it like a badge of honor. Those Apple stickers they have on the back window of their car? Its a tramp stamp.

What kind of festering jerkhole puts a sticker of the type of computer they own on a fucking car window? Answer: The same kind of cunt that feels it needs to share with the world that they are a corporate shill, a used whore, and most of all,,,, an unbearable fucking cunt.
They're on par with the self entitled assbags that have personalized license plates, and those that have bumper stickers trying to get me to visualize whirled peas. Fucking cockstains. The lot of the em.

Arguing with an Apple fanatic is like arguing religion with someone from the bible buckle. They're a toolbox. Or maybe even a toolshed. Listen. I get it. Buying a computer is a personal decision, and if you prefer to buy an Apple product because you think that they are a superior product. Congratulations. You made a decision that is based on cognitive thinking. Super.

BUT....... If you bought a Mac because they are thin, or if you really like Bono and love the fact that he's a big Apple fan,,,, Or if you like the Mac versus PC commercials and think about how cool it was that The Mac guy was in Die Hard, and the PC guy is a fat dopey out of touch clown. You should fucking lock yourself underneath your kitchen sink and consume all the contents therein. If you were one of the thousands of assholes who lined up and waited for the new Iphones for no reason other than you wanted to be the only person in your friend circle that has an Iphone you should have lined up again. Like a jew and marched into a hot oven.

You can keep your shiny skinny mac, your Iphone with its thousand of useless fucking applications, your fucking Ipod with its revolutionary wheel,,,, and all of they're clever marketing campaigns, and shove them up your shitpussy*.
You are not edgy, or in style, or in touch,,,,, you are a souless, needy, vapid shell of a human that needs a corporate icon to help you identify as a person.


Why did I feel the need to talk about this? Because for the last 5 years I've had to deal with my Ipod and its uselessness. A week ago I finally had enough of it and bought a Zune.
I've had an axe to grind for a while now. Is it totally fair? Probably not. I should have switched years ago from my Ipod to a Zune, but like a normal human being I kept on trying to fix the problems I had with it, rather than spend another couple hundred dollars on another brand. I've had a total of 5 MP3 players in my life, one Rio, three Ipod's, and now I finally have my dream machine.... A 120 gb Zune.
I did my research. The Zune is pretty fucking comparable to the Ipod. Both have 120 gig storage players, both are the same price, both have mostly the same features. Although there are a couple features on the Zune that are pimp. Wireless sync. Radio tuner. Big screen. File sharing with another Zune user when in close proximity. But probably the biggest difference is the support system, and subsequently their ideologies in how the future of music unfolds. I won't get into all of that, because it probably deserves its own post, and is immeasurably fucking boring.

BUT. My biggest bitch with Ipod/Apple is that it isn't compatible with 85% of people on the fucking planet. Microsoft users. Would you buy a chevy exhaust system for a ford taurus? Of course not. Then why in the fuck would you buy an Apple MP3 player if you were a Microsoft computer owner? Why? Probably the same reason why I did. Because I thought the Ipod was the premium MP3 player. It isn't. Not anymore. If you own a Mac, then by all means buy an Ipod. It will be compatible with your technology. But if you, like most of the population own a PC, do yourself a favor and buy a Microsoft product. A fucking Zune. I would bet that while 85% of computer owners use a Microsoft computer, 85% of MP3 owners have an Ipod. Is an Ipod that much of a superior product? As stated, I've owned 3. And the answer is a resounding,,,,, FUCK NO.

*This is my new favorite word. I've even tested it at dinner parties. Big hit. Middle aged mothers of three were laughing their asses off while repeating it and dropping it into conversation since hearing it.

AFPS: A forgotten postscript. Maddox did a hilarious rant about the Iphone a couple years ago, if you've never read it. Go do it now. Its spectacular.