A circus of queers. That's what these people are.

I haven't posted for a while, and its not because I don't have anything to say, Its just that I hate all of you.

But since I haven't posted in a while, lets run down some shit that's been in the news lately. Shall we?

Did you hear that bicycle god Lance Armstrong didn't win the Tour de France?
When did we in America ever give a shit about a bike race? Is the only reason that we have ever given a shit about it because One Nut won it so many times? Seriously. Its a fucking bike race.
You know what is more exciting that bike races and marathons. Literally. Everything. I would rather watch my grandmother die of cancer than a bike race.
Of course that's not the only news in the world of bicycling. This was snoped and found to be true.

Wow. That's about a 9.7 8 on my bonertime scale. If you have to ask, the bonertime scale goes to 15. Which is different that the finger scale (which goes to 10) Which is completly different that the other finger scale (which goes to 5) And its completely different than the clydesdale scale (which goes to 4) Hey. Next time don't ask.


The new Harry Potter flick is out, and we had to tolerate more nerds talking about nerdy shit.
I try not to shit on Harry Potter and their nerd cultlike followers, but its pretty fucking difficult for me. Its like shooting fish in a barrel, but instead of the barrel being filled with water and a couple fish, it has no water and is jam packed with fish, and you are using a fucking howitzer.
I was forced to watch one of the Harry Potter shitshows a couple years back. I was stuck on a fucking train in the outback of Australia. There was literally nothing else to do. I had nothing to read, my shitty Ipod was broken, so it was either stare out the window straining to find dingo's and wallabies, or watch that crap.
Guess which one I chose?

Its cultlike how this people are. I'm constantly amazed when I see cosplay shit, furries, or people dressed up for an afternoon quiddich match. Jesus they're like the Lord of the Ring queers. There can be only one. You know what there can be more than one of? You fucking douchebags. There can literally be millions.


In sexy happy fun time/sexual assault news. (Depending on who you are) Erin Andrews (sideline reporter for ESPN) was violated when someone taped her through a peephole in her hotel room. What was she doing? Ironing her clothes, and curling her hair. Completely fucking nude. Let me tell you fucking people something. I don't even have to watch the video of that to get a boner. I could be getting chased from wild bears, and swarms of angry hornets through a forest filled with broken glass and rakes when you told me this news, and I'd have to stop and crank one out. The only thing that she could have done for it to be any sexier was make me a sammich.

The fucked up part about this whole thing is that the videos had been out there on the web for over a month, and then all of a sudden ESPN files a suit (against who, I have no idea) and now everyone knows that its actually Erin in the video's. How fucking retarded is that? I mean, I imagine Erin is very distrought, and beside herself, and super embarrassed...... But, why in the mother of fuck would you pony up and say that it's you? They probably weren't going to remain a secret forever, but at least you could ignore it? Who knows. Maybe I'm way off based with this argument. But then again, I routinely send out racy pictures of myself.


In political/tech news. We found out recently that State Department employees were not allowed to browse the intarwebs with Mozilla Firefox. I guess they were using Internet Explorer? But you have to ask. Who the fuck still uses Internet Explorer? I'd call you a cocksnot (fuck you Advalida) douchbag, but I don't even think you'd understand that insult. Using Internet Explorer is like doing math with an abacus, when you have a calculator.
I personally use Firefox and Chrome, but mainly Chrome because they have an incognito fuction that allows you (ahem..) to watch 12 year old thai girls doing unspeakable things without it showing up on my browsing history.


In Ratard news.. A teenager in N.Y. fell into a manhole while texting. I cannot, at this moment, think of anything funnier than that. Talk about survival of the fittest. Then again, I heard that her family is now suing. Somebody should sue them, for being horrible fucking parents. You know what my dad would have done if I fell down a manhole. Left me there. Right after he stopped laughing and pointing at me. And he was a great man, a patriot, and a fucking gentleman. I'm starting to think that a couple of my friends are right when they suggested a fucking I.Q. test to vote. If you score lower than Forest Gump than you don't get to say how our government is run. I'm totally serious. As much as I'd like to believe that everyone should get a say, maybe they shouldn't. Maybe they shouldn't get shit. Maybe that's why I'm constantly yelling at people. That's it. Its because they're all stupid.