I don't like your jerkoff prices, I don't like your jerkoff opinion, and I don't like you.....Jerk Off.

I hate lots of people. But you know one person that makes me see white hot fucking sheets of rage? The dude at the Oil Change place. You know the one. That fucking wrench bender that you have to talk to when you go get your oil changed.
Here's a tip jerk off. I came in here to get my oil changed. Not to get a new air filter. Not to get my tires rotated. Not to replace my windshield wipers. I CAME TO THIS GREASE PIT TO GET MY OIL FUCKING CHANGED. Now leave me alone before I grab that fucking torque wrench out of your buddies hand and beat you senseless with it.


This is an actual conversation that happened yesterday:
Me I'd like to have my oil changed. The cheapest shit you got. And I don't want anything else done. NOTHING. Got it?
Jerk Off Well. Would you like a synthetic? We recommend the Castrol 3000 for cars with over 75 thousand miles.
Me Is it the cheapest shit you got?
Jerk Off No.
Me Then I don't want it.

I then proceed to take a piss and read a 6 month old Sports Illustrated in the lobby.
Captain Shitstain decides to interrupt my perusal of shitty sports journalism by bothering me more. Lets pick up the conversation from here:

Jerk Off Excuse me. Sir? It looks as if you need a new air filter. (showing me the old air filter) We recommend that our customers change their air filter every 50 thousand miles. Do you want to do that today?
Me No.
Jerk Off Would you like us to rotate your tires? We recommend that you rotate your tires every 30 thousand miles.
Me No.
Jerk Off Well, we took the liberty of checking your tire air pressure, and refilled the washer fluid. Are you sure that we can't do anything else for you today?
Me NO.



Why is it that when you go to get your oil changed it turns into a 30 minute festival of suck? Its never fucking simple. Hey fuckface. I want an oil change. The cheapest one. That means cheapest oil, cheapest filter, and that's it.
I don't ever want to be upsold something. Up-selling is fucking retarded. There is a reason that the Greeks invented the word Caveat Emptor,,, shitsack. If I want something, I'll either ask for it, or buy it. I will not be beaten down into making a purchase. When I'm in Las Vegas do I take the porno pamphlets that the greasy Mexicans shove into my hands while I walk drunkenly from the Barbary Coast to the Paris? Thank you, No. I prefer to meet the ladies of the evening in the casino and barter them down to sub Reagan era prices for HJ's in the privacy of dank stairwells.

I know these idiots are just doing their jobs, but when a custie tells you under explicit instructions that would like to not be badgered by your incessant questions....They expect to be left alone. Got it. Thanks Cocksmooch.