The jokes. They write themselves.

You know how to make Women's Basketball watchable? Have dudes playing.

And that's exactly what George Washington University is doing this year. Sorta.
They, for the first time in the history of team sports in America, are allowing a man, to play on a woman's team. But remember the operative word here.. Sorta.

Everything will be the same when he takes to the court in the university's season opener later this month. Just that Allums, 21, will be identified as a man, becoming the first openly transgender player in NCAA Division I basketball.

Just to get everyone on the same page, I'll do a quick review. Kye Allums plays basketball for the George Washington University women's team. Last year she was a girl, this year she announced that she is changing genders, and will be a man this year. But here is the thing. She isn't really changing genders, she's just changing gender names. From Woman, to Man. And because the media told us to, we are now supposed to refer to her as a Man now, instead of a Woman, even though she is physically still a Woman. GeeDubs Uni, is allowing her to stay on the women's basketball team this year even though she is a dude. Sorta. Because the only thing that she is changing physically is nothing. Dr. Rob is pissed about the whole thing though, not about people changing genders and dominating opponents with their jump shooting, but about other people getting to tell us how to define things. And I totally agree with him, I'm just not outraged, because I'm just perplexed with the influx of trans-gendered people into society. Seriously. Where the fuck did all these tranny's come from?



I guess I've been noticing them every since I saw the first "It's Pat" sketch on SNL, but never really took stock of the whole situation until recently. Before I knew it the gays were including them in their parades and it stopped being Gay rights, to being Lesbian-Bisexual-Gay-and-Transgendered rallies. Last year we had that African chick in the Olympics (Caster Semenya) that won gold and was humiliated because people doubted her veracity as a woman. Which I personally think sucks, but what are you really going to do? If you have a man, competing in a woman's event, he is going to have an advantage. Unless its a crocheting contest. Then a gay dude might have an advantage.
(By the way, I was brainstorming. Try to think of a women's sport that you would rather watch rather then men. I came up with three. 1.Beach Volleyball 2.Wrestling 3.Masturbating.)

So the big question is: What defines a man as a man, and a woman as a woman? Seems pretty obvious to everyone doesn't it? Well, I'm betting that it isn't that obvious. Weird shit happens in nature all time. Just a couple days ago, somebody told me that people can be born Gay! I was flummoxed!
What's next? Not honoring my societal hierarchy because I'm white?

So since we are about to get inundated with Tranny's around here, I think we need to get some answers. I mean remember when all the queers were coming out of the woodwork, and all of us straight people had no idea what was going on. One minute I was watching Archie Bunker and the next Will and Grace were on. And we were all scared of them and their AIDS, so if Tranny's get ahead of the curve maybe there will be a better assimilation into society. Just like the queers. We love them now. I tip (and shaft) my massage guy extra every week.

Anywho (whistles nonchalantly and looks around the room in an obvious attempt to get everyone to ignore that last homo sentence) there are so many things to talk about here:

• Do conservative minded people who think that being gay is a choice, think that Allums has a choice in this matter? Should she just suck it up and be a woman dammit?
  
• Is her choice to change gender (if in name only) caused by physical or psychological pressures.. What I mean to ask,,, is well,,, does she have a big clit or a small dick?
  
• Is she going to be sharing a locker room with her female teammates, or does she now change in the men's lockeroom. Or does she get her own transgendered one? And if she gets to change with the ladies, then can I? Whatever! I sit down when I pee. (except in public toilets... Then I hover)
  
• If the choice to change her gender is purely psychological, than does her sexual identification change now? What I mean to ask is this: She was a woman, now she is identified as a man. If she liked women before, and was a lesbian, is she now straight? Now that she is a man, and if she likes dudes, is she now queer? Or is she just into tranny's? WHAT? Its a serious question! Do tranny's have sex with other tranny's? Or is that their equivalent of gay sex?
• Will her skills on the court automatically get better? Will she go higher in the WNBA draft? And if she does, is that sexist?
• Last week I heard someone harping on the internet that the word "Tranny" was offensive to Trans-sexuals. Is this now offensive? Is "Tranny" the new "Retard"?
• Is she in fact a Tranny? Or a Mental Tranny?
• Does this give me precedence to join an organized woman's sport, and proceed to dominate the motherfucker?*
• Does she dig the movie The World According to Garp?
• Can she dunk?
• Did she take into consideration before making her decision that her insurance rates were going to be higher, or to her credit know that it was going to be offset because males make more than females in the workplace?
• Is she looking forward to taking naps after sex instead of cuddling?
  
• Do Tranny's have tops and bottoms?
  
• Is she really high, or really low on the Kinsey Scale? Or fuck,, is she exactly right in the middle?
  
• If I was in a three-way with her and a chick, is it still acceptable for me to refer to it as a MFF instead of a MMF so I can tell my buddies that it wasn't the "Gay" kind.
• Do Trans-gendered people think that Cross Dressers are pussies that won't "Shit or get off the Pot"?
• Is Boys Don't Cry your favorite Movie?
• Is Boys Don't Cry your favorite song?
  

*Years and years ago I made a hypothetical bet with a couple buddies of mine. In this land of mythical bets, I was wagering that I could take on a female college basketball player and beat her in a game of one on one. Up until this article, I stood by my mythical challenge. Now I'm not sure. They told me that there was no way I could beat a girl in a game of one on one. Little did they know that I had historical data to back me up. When I was a Sophomore in High School our Mens basketball team was horrible. We went 1 and 19. And the only team we beat was an Orphanage. Let me emphasize that again. 1 and 19, and the only team we beat was our annual game against an Orphanage.

We got families, yes we do, we got families... How bout you? Kids can be so mean.

Well anyway. That same year, our High School Girls Basketball team was fucking awesome. They basically had two centers that were monsters, a couple shooting guards that knew their way around the three point line, and a point guard who was amazing. I'm not kidding when I say that they were beating opponents that year by 80 points. It was embarrassing watching them destroy other teams. And since they were going to state (they eventually got to the Final Four) they weren't getting any better playing against teams that scored 6 points against them.
So they used to wrangle a couple of guys to practice against them. Now when you practice, your mainly running plays that you know the opposition is going to run for the next game. Its usually not at game speed, and its usually just to familiarize them with what they are going to see when they play them. Nothing special. One time, late in the year, when they were about ready to go on their run to win state. They challenged our 1 and 19 team to a scrimmage. A scrimmage is completely unlike practice (Practice! We talkin about Practice?), scrimmage is full court, full speed, full contact, elbows and assholes... Balls to the walls.
We fucking destroyed them. It was comical. The all-state point guard couldn't hold my fucking jock. And I was a shooting guard.
So. Based upon all of this. Add a couple of decades. About fifty pounds of muscle (complete fucking fabrication) I think I can take a college female on in a game of one on one. Unless of course that woman is now a man.