Volume XIXMII, Selig is Stupid.

I did a baseball post yesterday, and lo and behold I'm not done bitching yet. I have three things on my fucking mind this afternoon. And surprisingly none of them are about world domination.

Opening Day.
Really? Opening Night more like it. How the fuck can it be construed as opening day, when there is only one fucking game being played. Why not just call it Opening Game. I opined yesterday about how Opening Day used to be, the fact that the Reds played the first game of every Opening Day because they were the first team to play baseball professionally.
But little did I know that the only game scheduled on opening day, was a night game, and was the only one being played. What fucking ringleader runs this tard circus? Oh yeah. Selig.
Let me add this one last thing as well: How in the name of Honus fucking Wagner can there be spring training games played on the same fucking day as Opening Day. I walked into the living room last night after I poured myself a little bit of the sacrament, trying to settle down and watch the first game of the year...... And what was on the fucking boob tube? A spring training game between the Dodgers and Giants. I'm sitting there listening to one time Cub Mike Krukow call the game, and he mutters, "I'm ready for real games already, enough of this spring training" (I'm fucking paraphrasing here) and it dawns on me. Spring Training is still going on during opening day? I almost choked on my whisky.
Is it possible that this could not get fucked up any more? What's next? Aluminum bats and outlawing slump busters?
It takes a monumental assclown to fuck up opening day. All you have to do is schedule everyone in the two leagues to start play...........ON A SPECIFIC FUCKING DAY. I've had epileptic secretaries that can handle this task.

Two games already canceled due to weather
I got a little tip. Stop laughing. A tip about weather. Its cold, windy, rainy, and there is sometimes inclement weather in April and March. The weather patterns have not changed since baseball was supposedly invented by Abner Doubleday. Its still fucking Spring Selig. I'm gonna do you a solid and recommend something for you to change. Make all the games for the first 2-4 weeks of baseball to be played in domes, and or in southern and western geographic locations.
They have already canceled a White Sox and Boston home openers because of the fucking weather. See what I'm saying Selig. As much as you think you can impose your will on the weather patterns, the weather is still gonna beat you. You don't have to be meteorological genius to figure this shit out. Oh by the way, in case you didn't know, it snows in the winter too. That means you need to wear warm clothes cockface.

The WBC and MLB
Was it me or did spring training last too long? And by too long, I mean the half life of a radioactive isotope.
Why was it so long? Because they decided to have the WBC during spring training. Now, I'm not going to argue if the WBC is relevant or not (It isn't stupid, its like the Dream Team or women's orgasms) but the powers that be have decided that the World is going to gather together and play each other in baseball every 4 years. Just like the World Cup, but without soccer fags and faking injuries on a pitch.
But why do they play the thing during Spring Training? Its not just stupid, its dangerous. Teams have invested millions upon millions of dollars on their players, and instead of getting their bodies into shape, they are pulling hammies trying to leg out seeing eye singles against The Nederlands. Players are getting hurt, and we have to deal with a 2 trimester spring training because there is some faux baseball round robin being played for bragging rights? I'm not kidding. My sister was 3 months pregnant, and had another Mexican by the time Spring Training was over. (Another Halfback brought into this world. Thanks sis, the world did need more lawn care specialist's) Seriously? Can't we just play Ship Captain Crew for the title? Liars Dice? Asshole?
Since I'm a solutions kinda guy Selig, here's another helping hand I'm offering you. Instead of having a 3 day break for the All-Star Game. Have a 2 week break, and play the WBC then. That way none of the players are injured due to overuse, and you still get your cake. Plus you have a decent break in between an already long 162 game season.
It makes sense. Players could actually play for their country if they so wished, they could relax and fix some minor aches and pains, or they could come over to my house and give me a backrub. Its a win win,,,,,win for me and my back.