Free Pork. A Jewish Dilema.

Sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason. Black people like fried Chicken. Japanese people are fucking weird. White people hanging out in Starbucks are douchebags. Indian taxi cab drivers smell gross.
And Jews are penny pinching money hungry whores.


I present.



You probably can't read the fine print, so you don't get to see the details... But this is a promotion that my Jew Gym is running right now. They are auctioning off parking spaces. At a gym. Where your supposed to, you know, fucking work out, burn calories, and lose weight.

Then there's the obvious. They aren't maximizing their profits enough, so someone decided to auction off parking spaces to offset the declining economy. I can just imagine 10 old jews sitting in on the monthly board meeting.

Zacharia: Gentlemen. We're not maximizing our profits this quarter. You know what we should do? Make our members pay for their parking.
Mordecai: They'll never go for it, its bad enough that we charge too much for kosher hot dogs, and self stick yarmulke's.
Ezra: Horseshit! I love it! My idea last month for the Jew round robin basketball tournament was off the hizzie. We fucking killed with the 100 dollar registration fee, and the bottled holy water for 6 dollars.
Mordecai: You like it because your tribe wins everything.
Ezra: Its not my fault we're the chosen chosen people of God. And we have a great name.
Mordecai: Asshole. Just because I can't rhyme anything with Joseph, doesn't make "The Levi-athons" better.
Zacharia: FELLA's! Get it together. Come on, Just because you have pent up rage from not doing shit on Shabbas doesn't mean you can take it out on each other every Monday morning!
Mordecai: Your right Zacharia. Lets not fight. I know I don't want to lose my mensch status. I got an idea. Lets auction off the parking spots. This way we can higher than market value for asphalt, and Ezra's wife can park her fat ass closer to lunch buffet.
Ezra: When you're right, you're right. She's a sucker for unleaven manna wraps. Agreed.

So these morons think that I'm gonna pay for a good parking spot. I hope they're not holding their breath, because their faces are gonna be redder than a burning bush.
What's next? Making me pay in shekels cause the exchange rate is better for them?

Because of this, I am now going to listen to my Ipod on full blast when working out. Hope they like Rammstein.