Meet our November Lady of the Pen!

If you're new to this concept allow me to explain. A single lady is selected from the website, Ladies of the Pen. Ladies of the Pen is a website for incarcerated women that are looking for romantic interludes while they are in, and getting out of prison. Their bio's and letters to us usually read like a white trash E-Harmony wish list, and are full of things to ridicule. As if making fun of desperate chicks wasn't good enough, we get to make fun of desperate chicks that are locked up.

This months winner is Nicole Lets learn more about her.

Hi I'm Nicole but everyone calls me Strawberry. I've used this name since I was 18 years old. I am a stripper. I love meeting people and Love traveling. I'm spontaneous, Love to laugh and make other laugh as well. I love having sex in exotic positions, wild sex is a must! I love sipping on wine while taking hot baths. I love eating at exquisite restaurants, I love being spoiled and pampered. I'm a good girl being spoiled and pampered. I'm a good girl, but sometimes I can be very naughty. I love men that are good providers and don't have any problem providing. I don't like men who are aggressive liars and who talks to just be talking! I'm also into women, I love feminine and sexy, you don't have to be a beauty queen, just be yourself and sexy. I love women who loves to have sex in high heels. I love being in control with men and women, it's a natural high for me!! I love all kinds of music, rock & roll, classics, rap, a little country, jazz, r&b. I love giving my men lap dances while at home. I also love picnics and BBQ's. I'm a good house wife as well. I love cooking, cleaning, and lounging in my panties and bras. If I'm what your looking for please feel free to write me asap, but if not have a blessed day. Because the man I'm searching for is out there somewhere. I won't stop searching until I find him. I also love oral sex with women. I am Bisexual and I love the sexy and feminine women. I don't not like boy type women only fems. Strawberry



I'm not going to lie. I got physically angry when I was reading her bio page. I don't know if it was because she used the word "Love" 16 fucking times, or if it is because I've dated 3 Nicole's in my life and I had a pre-hatred already built into my cognitive DNA. It doesn't matter if it was pre-hatred though, because by the time you are done reading about her you will wish that she ends up on death row and dies a horrible death. A death where she doesn't die quickly and they have to keep on upping the doses of electricity and it takes an hour and a half and doesn't die until her fingernails are dark black and her eyesockets have smoke billowing out.
I'm not even remotely kidding. I hate this girl. And usually I don't hate the ladies of the pen. Usually I just laugh at them (and jerk off when no one is around to jailhouse fantasies. Don't lie. You fucking do it too.) and think they're pathetic. But not with Nicole. I'd tell her to go fuck herself if she ever gave me a lapdance.

But I'll put aside my vitriolic rage for a couple of minutes as we dissect this hooligan together. Here we go.

Hi I'm Nicole but everyone calls me Strawberry.

My cellmates name is Peach, and my mothers name is Orange. My uncle violated my vagina with an unripened Banana when I was 14. And I liked it. So it keeping up with the fruit theme, I nicknamed myself "Strawberry" I think "Strawberry" has some kind of subliminal sexual connotation. I want people to identify me by my name as being alluring and having a lot sexuality.
I'm joking. I don't even know what "subliminal" means.

I am a stripper.

SHUT UP. I don't don't believe you!

I love meeting people and Love traveling.

Translation>>> I'm an over the hill, 35 year old whore that is locked up in Wisconsin's penal system. No one has came to see me since I got here, and I haven't traveled anywhere since I was 13 when my parents took me to "Paul Bunyon Days" in Door County. Please come visit me. Please be my pen pal and promise to take me to see the grandeur of Michigan and Minnesota. I will love you for the rest of my days, or until I find someone better.

I'm spontaneous, Love to laugh and make other laugh as well. I love having sex in exotic positions, wild sex is a must!

Strawberry used to be spontaneous, until you know, she got fucking locked up. Now its "gettin a drink here boss", and "wipe em down here boss" now.
Exotic and wild sex is a must since the usual forced shower rape is getting too old and tiresome. Prison sex gets boring quick you know, there are only so many times you can get drunk off toilet hooch and fingerblast your fat smelly cellmate.

I love sipping on wine while taking hot baths.

As stated previously, she only gets to drink fermented urine out of ziplock bags , and they only have showers in the joint. No bathtubs. Calgon hasn't taken her away since she stole that customers credit card and spent the night at Motel 6 with her High School ex where they did lines of coke off of the bathroom linoleum and fucked each other silly.

I love eating at exquisite restaurants, I love being spoiled and pampered. I'm a good girl being spoiled and pampered.

Translation>>> I live in Wisconsin. So exquisite means Denny's, and spoiled and pampered means not beating the shit out of me when you've had too much to drink at Packer games.

I'm a good girl, but sometimes I can be very naughty.

I don't always speak in circles. Usually just because I'm trying to sound sexy while wearing prison issued underwear.

I love men that are good providers and don't have any problem providing.

My name is Strawberry and I want a man to provide for my every whim, while I lay around the house and act like an insufferable cunt. HELLO? Why isn't anyone answering my letters?

I don't like men who are aggressive liars and who talks to just be talking!

I AM NEITHER AGGRESSIVE OR A LIAR! I CHOOSE MY WORDS CAREFULLY, AND THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY BEFORE I SAY IT. I WILL NOT BLUDGEON YOU TO DEATH WHEN YOU ARE RELEASED INTO MY CUSTODY. I WILL NOT STAB YOU IN THE FACE WHEN YOU DON'T BRING ME BEER FAST ENOUGH. I WILL NOT USE YOUR SKIN AFTER I KILL YOU AS THE LINING OF SNOW PARKA, AND YOUR LIFELESS BREAST SACS AS A COIN PURSE.

I'm also into women, I love feminine and sexy, you don't have to be a beauty queen, just be yourself and sexy. I love women who loves to have sex in high heels.

Just in case there are no men out there that will tolerate my cunty ass, I will agree to like women as well. Anything to fill the empty hole in my soul.
You don't have to be a beauty queen, you just can't look better than me. Which is gonna be tough. I like to have sex with high heels so I can take them off afterward and stab you in the fucking eye with them., then eat your innards like a preying mantis. You could wear tennis shoes, but that just means its gonna take longer.

I love being in control with men and women, it's a natural high for me!!

Translation. I'm the only one that wears the dildo in this relationship. Now shut up and give me head!

I love all kinds of music, rock & roll, classics, rap, a little country, jazz, r&b.

I like whatever you like. Whatever will get you to write me back, that's what I'll say. If you like Classical, well then goddamnit, so do I. If you like the resplendent mesmerizing melodies of Anne Murray, than so do I.
And if you like death metal, than all hail Satan. (she gives horn symbol with left hand and Seig Heil with her right)

I love giving my men lap dances while at home.

And total strangers lap dances when at work. But you are special. There's a difference. So you can pay for it now, or you can pay for it later....and just keep paying.

I also love picnics and BBQ's.

I'll say anything to get you to like me. Picnics. Check. BBQ's. Check. Sushi? I guess....Cheeeeeck. Anal? Check and Check!

I'm a good house wife as well. I love cooking, cleaning, and lounging in my panties and bras.

This is how you know she is a lying whore.

If I'm what your looking for please feel free to write me asap, but if not have a blessed day. Because the man I'm searching for is out there somewhere. I won't stop searching until I find him.

I will continue to search for the perfect soul mate,,,,, until October. Then I'm going back to my old ways of strippin', and whorin' for dollars. Ya got 11 months to get your shit together.

I also love oral sex with women.

I love oral sex with German Shepards. Is this gonna be a hangup for you?

I am Bisexual and I love the sexy and feminine women. I don't not like boy type women only fems.

I don't like butch women, I've had enough of them to deal with here in the pokie. With their fat vagina's on my face, and their flat top haircuts chaffing my nipples. Fuck that. I only like feminine lesbians. You know. The fictitious ones.