From Barbie Girl to U2's Vertigo.

I finally got around to electronically saving all of my music. Finally. I didn't completely do it when I got my first MP3 player, or my second, or third, or fourth. (I'm getting a new one next week. Fuck Apple. Fuck Steve Jobs. I'll be posting a complete rundown on why everyone including myself is a fucking asshole for buying an Ipod. Zune is the way to go people.)

It was a long drawn out process in which I sat at the computer for the entire weekend shoving CD's in and out of the tower. BUT. You do learn a little bit about yourself by looking at your record collection.



The following are facts about me and my music.



I have 3883 songs that I own. (Notice that I said own and not bought) One of which is "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. So basically I only have 3882 songs that won't get me beat up for playing it in a bar.

I wish that I could un-own 4 albums. (Another 700 Miles/3 Doors Down, Eagles Greatest Hits Vol.II/The fucking Eagles, Foma/The Nixons, and GHV2/Madonna)

"Dirt" is Alice in Chain's greatest album. This is not up for debate.

I bought more music in 1995 than any other year. 27.7 hours worth. This is a complete misnomer. There were only seven albums from 95' that I own that are worth their salt. Sparkle and Fade/Everclear, Foo Fighters/Foo Fighters, Ozzmosis/Ozzy Osbourne, Hello/Poe, Tales from the Punchbowl/Primus, American Standard/Seven Mary Three, and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness/Smashing Pumpkins.

I own more albums in the the 90's than all the other decades combined. 151 hours worth. I vehemently disagreed with someone at lunch today that swore the 80's was a better decade. Seriously. I see the 80's "London Calling" by "The Clash" and raise them "LAPD" by "The Offspring" I'm all in.

I bought the collectible CD "The Hollies" for my father but never gave it to him for two reasons. 1. He doesn't own a fucking CD player. 2. I like it two much and decided to keep it myself. (He obviously raised me incorrectly)

I have come to the conclusion that the "Album" in its collective sense,,,,,is dead.

I own more Aerosmith music (7:29 worth) than Led Zepplin music (6:02 worth)which very well could be a greater abomination than me actually owning Roxette's greatest hits. Guh.

I own an Eiffel 65 album. Yes, the fucking band that sang "Blue", I own that album. I however, I have never raved while on ecstasy flailing about with glow sticks in my hands. I'm not going to try to defend it, however, I will say that the song "Blue" is the worst song on it. Which is like saying the kid with Palsy that lives around the corner from you has a lazy eye.

I have lost 12 albums. (Secret Samadhi/Live, The Great Radio Controversy/Tesla, Happiness is Not a Fish That You Can Catch/Our Lady Peace, Wither Blister Burn+Peel/Stabbing Westward, Jar of Flies/Alice in Chains, Wonderful/Adam Ant, Kick/INXS, Hot Fuss/The Killers, Gravity/Our Lady Peace, The Greatest Hits/Cheap Trick, Enema of the State/Blink 182)
If you stole any of these from me, I'd like them back.

I only own 1 Queens of the Stone Age album. Only owning one "Queens of the Stone Age" album is worse than owning one "Eiffel 65" album.

I own 3 H.I.M. albums. And I like them. And I'm not emo.

I own 4 hours and 57 minutes of Pearl Jam music, and have come to the conclusion that "State of Love and Trust" is exactly 17% better than "Immortality" Mainly because it starts off like a rocketship being fired, and has a great guitar riff, and "Immortality" makes me think of dying. BUT, "Immortality" is exactly 114% better than "Yellow Ledbetter" That song sucks.

I only own 1 Queens of the Stone Age album and as it stands, right now, there isn't a better song in the world other than "Little Sister"

Like everyone in the free world, I think Led Zepplin is the greatest collaboration of genius that has made music. If you don't agree with me buy the remastered version of "Stairway to Heaven" and listen to it specifically between 5:51 and 6:45. This is the greatest 54 seconds in music history. If you don't agree, then throw yourself and your record collection out the front door and into traffic, because your a musical moron.

1991 was a great year in music. Lets run down the list. "Nevermind", "Ten", "Use Your Illusion" One and motherfucking Two, Motley Crue and RATT gave us their decade collaborations of "Decade of Decadence" and ""8191", The Chili's gave us their best record in the history of the Chili's, Blood Sugar Sex Magic, Soundgarden gave us "Badmotorfinger" AND......AND!!!! Tesla topped it all off and released "Psychotic Supper" which had the song "Edison's Medicine", and as we all know that is their second best song behind "Song & Emotion", but neither are better than the first three minutes and eighteen seconds of "Paradise"


I have 305 albums, one of them is Rush Chronicles. I have no idea why I own a Rush album, much less their greatest hits because the only Rush song that I really like is "Working Man"
BUT. That's a good goshdamn song.

There is an argument that can be made when I say that "Audiovent" had a better debut album than "Audioslave" Maybe. But just agree with me that "Dirty Sexy Knights in Paris" is a pretty fuckin cool name for an album.

I own 5 Bad Religion albums. Don McNeil is responsible for introducing me to two things. 1. The girl that took my virginity. 2. The band Bad Religion. While I remember liking losing my virginity, I am almost positive that I cannot live without the album "Recipe for Hate" or at least the song "My Poor Friend Me" and in retrospect I would have lost my virginity sooner or later, so Bad Religion is better than Pussy. Or at least Pussy gotten for the first time. Yes, I even capitalized Pussy for the ladies. See. I'm a gentleman.

I've seen the bands "Candlebox" and "Cheap Trick" 6 times each. This is weird to say outloud. Not because they are bad bands, or they made bad music, or whatever.... I'm just sayin that it's just weird to say.

I own 5 AC/DC CD's. I have a buddy that owns all 22 of their albums, he loves AC/DC, they are his favorite band, which means he is awesome. This same friend didn't know that AC/DC has had two different singers because one died of drinking too much. This makes him un-awesome. Which brings up the question, "Is he a bigger fan of AC/DC than me?" Or is he just a fucking idiot?

I have no idea what 2Pac's best song is. No idea. This perplexes me. It's either "How Do U Want It", "Troublesome 96'" "Picture me Rollin" or the ever popular "California Love" I feel the same way about "The Pixies", but just about all of their songs.

I own two Elton John CD's. To this day I don't understand his fucking lyrics. Seriously. "Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady, Seamstress for the baaannnnnnndddd" Fucking weird. The same people that make fun of me for liking The Doors think that Elton John is awesome. These people are idiots. The Doors had a movie made about them, and they sang about chicks and booze. Elton writes music like Mushmouth talks in Fat Albert.

I am pretty sure that in the song "Stacy's Mom", the lyric "mowing her lawn" is a euphemism for banging.

"Lyla" is a better song than "Don't look back in Anger" Oasis also has the longest songs in the history of pop music. On the album "Be Here Now" there are 9 fucking songs 5 minutes or longer. 9.
This makes them the "Don McLean's" of Europe, which of course means that everyone in Europe drives their Cooper's to the Levies.

I own 3 Cranberries albums, and am unsure if I should buy more. I mean they are all good. That however is not the question I want answered about The Cranberries. I've pondered multiple times what it is like to hear Dolores O'riordan mid-orgasm.

I own two "A Perfect Circle" albums and not a single "Tool" song.

Gerry Rafferty's version of "Baker Street" is better than the "Foo Fighters" version.

I have 258.72 hours of music that I own. That's a almost 11 straight days of music. Which is one day more than it takes you to lose a guy.

I don't own a single song or album from U2. This makes me very fucking happy.