Bring it in Close and let the Big Guy get his Bear Paws on ya!

Its Group Hug time fuckers!!!!




If your unfamiliar with this concept, its when I scour Group Hug to find the best it has to offer. Then we all laugh at them together. Such fun!

I am eighteen, and a junior in college at a four year state university (long story.) I’m fairly sure that I am pregnant, even though I have not taken a test to confirm it due to being completely terrified. Although I am an intelligent, capable, responsible woman, I keep punching myself in the uterus as hard as I can hoping it will lead to a miscarriage.

You obviously belong in Community College instead of a Uni because everyone knows that throwing yourself down the stairs is the way to go. Hurry up. Quick. We don't want another retard on the planet.

i really want to have sex with my cousin

That is completly normal. You are normal. Society as a whole is wrong for putting cousin fuckers like you in a bucket. We're wrong. You're right. I say go for it.

i fell asleep in his arms today.

According to the band Cutting Crew. You're doing it wrong.

I think I’m paranoid because whenever I masturbate I have to cover myself up with a blanket so the ghosts won’t see me

I'm the same way. But, just, instead of the word "paranoid" replace it with "auto-erotic" and the word "the ghost" with "my mom"......and "cover myself up" with "tie a belt around my neck". And oh yeah, there's usually a small naked asian boy, shivering, and crying, while handcuffed to the radiator in the corner of the room too.

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and he still doesn’t know who I really am.

Who are you? Are you a superhero? Are you Wonder Woman?

My wife thinks that I am taking Yoga to get in shape and spend time with her. The truth is I want to suck my own dick! I’m almost there!

Those things don't suck themselves. You strike me as a very practical human being. I strive to be more like you sir.

my anorexia has taken over my life.

I bet you're fat on the inside too. Fatty. Take your life back. Commit Seppeku.

i want to find real love & i want to know it exists. otherwise i have no reason to exist.

It doesn't. Kill yourself now. We need more air for the rest of us. Next.

I lost my virginity when I was 13 to my 74 year old neighbor. While we we having sex she started having a heart attack so I called an ambulance. She died later that day. I’ve always felt responsible for that.

Awesomeness is a Responsibility, not just a lifestyle dude. I've had to learn to live with it. Baby steps next time. Oh yeah, and less wig pulling, and don't spank so hard. Osteoporosis makes grandma's bones really thin at 74.

Beaker touched my penis while I was sleeping.

A Muppet touched your penis? I don't know how to tell you this, but Muppet's are hand Puppet's. Which means someone was fondling you. Or you're certifiably fucking crazy.
Better luck next time in the fondling/crazy lotto.

My friends hate me because i’m weird. i like to live a very x-files-eque life. But i hate them because they’re normal. they remind me of the Brady Bunch.

Am I the only one that has no fucking idea what "X-files-esque life" means? What the fuck? Does your life involve discovering and thwarting extraterrestrail life forms? What was your weekend like? Were you abducted by outer fucking spatian's that performed medical experiements on you. Was that it, is that what your weekend was like? Idiot.

i once pretended to be a girl online and used to flirt around with guys… I thought it was fun…

NOT funny for the other person! Or so I heard.

i wear more makeup than anyone i know.

Is it because you're a circus clown? Shut up and make me a balloon animal.

i hate it when you people discriminate asians.not all asians are slanted-eyed, sci-fi nerds, or stupid
2
just because we look different doesnt mean were ‘not AS HOT’. i believe in love, despite of race.
please read this and reconsider.
im sick of being ignored just because im asian.

Whatever. Asians are wierd, with thier slanted eyes and their sideways vagina's. Two words, Hentai. Porn. You people are strange. Deal with it.

My bad coworker ordered a burrito on a spinach WRAP instead of on a chili wrap with spinach INSIDE like I had clearly written for him. This makes me think he doesn’t value the things I write on paper, which sometimes are burrito orders but sometimes are also phone numbers.

You know that one insufferable cunt that works in your office. This is her mother.

make me stop thinking about him. make it stop. make it stop. make it stop.

Step one. Go to a busy street.

Step two. Wait for bus to come by.

Step three (most important) Jump squarely in front of bus and attempt to head butt it.

Problem with you thinking about him. Solved.