The Nobel committee apparently has Jungle fever for Obama

Jesus Christ on a bicycle. Don't click on this link unless you want to get dumber. I warned you.

Can anyone possibly find a good reason why Barack Obama just received the Nobel Peace Prize? What the fuck has this guy done to deserve it? Hell, what the fuck has he done,,,, period? Oh, that's right. He's given us "HOPE" That elusive virtue I didn't know existed until Andy Dufresne told me about it in The Shawshank Redemption.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and good things never die"

Whatever Andy, you know what I hope dies? The endless fucking love affair that retards have with Obama. Obama is starting to turn into some weird paradigm in which I start hating him because I hate the people that love him. Kinda like Red Sox fans.


Here's what the Nobel committee said about its reasoning for awarding him this prize:

"extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

What? I just read that fucking sentence 4 times and I still can't figure out what it means. He strengthened diplomacy and cooperation? That is the weakest fucking endorsement of a decision I have ever seen. Billy Mays coked to the gills made more sense during Oxyclean commercials. BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!

Here's what I think they meant to say when giving him the award:

Barack Obama is NOT George Bush. Barack Obama flies around to foreign countries a lot, and even though he hasn't done shit yet, we think he's gonna do some cool shit in the future. And if he doesn't do cool shit in the near future, we don't give a flying fuck because he's black, and Martin Luther King Jr. was black and he was a pretty peaceful dude... So we made the obvious correlation. Oh yeah. The "Hope" thingy too.

Nobel Committee out..........

I've seen Hippies at whole foods that were more peaceful than Obama. Apparently the rigorous standards are so low for getting Peace Prizes that a bunch of other people should get them too.
Personally, I think Bin Laden deserves one for not blowing any buildings up this year. Maybe they should give one posthumously to Pol Pot? He didn't murder that many people. Thanks big guy. What about Kim Jong Il? He hasn't launched any missiles at anyone yet. Props Kim Jong, you're the illest.


Other possible Nobel Prize winners instead of Obama:

• The band Alice in Chains. Because they just released a pretty pimp album.
• Matt Holliday because he needs a little pick me up after last nights game.
• Eli and Peyton Manning. They're balls of steak.
• Gemma Atkinsons breast bunnies.
• My new MarioKart T-shirt that I bought at Kohls last weekend. For 6 fucking dollas!!
  
• The song "Mutter" by Rammstein
• The Moon. Didn't you fucking hear? It might have water on it!!!
• My buddy Karate for friending me on Facebook. No Homo. I love you.
• The city of Rio De Janeiro
  
  
  

Lets take a look at past Nobel Peace Prize winners, and see how far we have to go back to find one that is less worthy than Barack Obama.

2008- Martti Ahtisaari. This dudes resume looks solid, and by solid I mean that he actually accomplished shit..... Not like Obama, who has accomplished fuck all.. Unless of course you count getting the American people to fall in love with him. Verdict: That's a win for Marty from Finland.

2007- Albert Arnold Gore. Dude created the internet and global warming. Verdict: Big win for Big Gore.

2006- Two Indian dudes whose names I cannot pronounce. Convenience Store not Casino. Apparently they were economic geniuses who strived to make poverty less rampant. Hoo-Ray! Verdict: They got my vote, and my money. I love me some slurpee's and cheeseburger dogs at 7-11. Thank you come again.

2005-Some dude from Egypt named Mohamed. Mohamed tried to outlaw nuclear weapons, and make sure countries used their nuclear power plants safely. Verdict: This ones tight. I'm voting for the one with the terrorist sounding name. Wait. Let me clarify. The dude from Egypt with the terrorist sounding name wins.

2004-Wangari Maathai. She's the only African chick that's won a Nobel Peace Prize. Wowzers. The only one? I'm guessing that she nagged the committee enough, and they finally gave in. She was the director of the Kenyan Red Cross, the first woman from East or Central Africa to earn a PHD, and also elected to their Parliament with 98% of the vote (Fuck. I thought women were still property in Kenya. My bad) She's also done a ton more but who am I kidding, she's got tits and that's good enough for me. Verdict: Boobies always give me "Hope"

2003- Shirin Enbadi. Another broad wins! This ones Iranian, so even though she has boobs, no one has ever seen them because she was wearing a tunic so large it could double as parachute for Al Roker in the ninety's. Shirin has fought for Womens and Childrens rights in Iran, she's also received other awards for various peaceful shit she's done that I have no interest in reading or writing about. Verdict: Once again, tits for the win. Even if no ones ever seen em.

2002-Jimmy Carter. This dude was so peaceful that he wouldn't even start a fight with hijackers. Remember the Iranian Hostage Crisis? It wasn't so much that he was peaceful, he was just a pussy. But then again, Jimmy Carter is always around to build homes for the homeless, which means he actually did something. Verdict: The dude from Georgia.

2001- Kofi Annun. Holy fucking shit. I just chortled coffee out my nose. They gave a Peace Prize to a dude who was not only the Secretary General for the U.N. during the Rwandan Genocide, but also the Oil for Food scandal. I guess there can be worse people to give a Nobel Peace Prize to. Verdict: Obama for the win! Winner Winner Fried Chicken Dinner!


So in closing. Fuck the Nobel Committee, and the Obama-ites who think he's better than bread sliced and the crusts cut off. And apparently, fuck Kofi Annun.