Hey asshole. Stop waiving to your friend across the stadium, they don't care where you are sitting, and you shouldn't care where they are sitting. And if it is really important for you two to fucking find each other, there's this magical fucking invention called SEAT NUMBERS. Its like you know, like, amazing. You tell your friend that you are sitting in section 130, Row "L" and in seat 12. AND GUESS WHAT. Now all they have to do is follow the fucking signs and they can find you. And if that doesn't work, find a nice secluded part of the stadium, so other people don't have to be privy to your stupid shit.
You're blocking my view of the fucking game, and you're annoying, and when I accidentally throw my fucking nachos at your face, maybe you'll stop acting like an insufferable cunt.
And lest we forget the other twin to this fucknuts. The guy who waves to the T.V. when he's on his fucking cell phone. Do you think that the person you are talking to on the phone doesn't realize its you? They're the ones that fucking called you shit for brains.
I'm on T.V.!!!! And I look like a fucking asshole.
No, I won't hold the door for you.
I'm not a fucking doorman. I don't care if you're old, if you're fucking pregnant, or if you're a fucking chick. I'm not holding the door open for you. Fuck you. You got arms. Use em.
Get this through your head you passive aggressive mouth breathing sigher, I don't wait on shit. I'm not going to wait on you, and you can open your own fucking doors. I was not put on this planet to serve your every fucking whim, I was not put on this earth to accommodate you, and I'm certainly not going to under the guise of being a nice person. Just because you're nicer than me doesn't translate into me giving a shit about your general disposition. If you want people to open doors for you, than get a fucking entourage.
Furthermore. If you're pregnant, and have 3 fucking rugrats to take care of, its not my fault either. I shouldn't have to have extra consideration because you fucked somebody and didn't use a condom. Open your own fucking doors, or bring your husband with you. Because I'm not him.
The super-uuber-flaming-queer guy.
Just because you get fucked like a woman, doesn't mean that you're a woman. So stop acting like a chick. If you want to act like a bitch, than be my guest and tranny it up. But last I heard, Gay does not mean Rupal. You've still got your nuts, so act like it.
And another thing. We get it, YOU'RE FUCKING GAY. You like to chug cock. This does not need to be announced to us 3.1 seconds after we meet you. We already knew it. Just a wild guess, but the fact that your shiny shirt is tighter than a 12 year old pussy, your shoes are more expensive than an aught 9 Lexus, and you have somehow incorporated the word fabulous into every statement told us that you're gayer than Jim Jay Bullock. Did I throw my heterosexuality into your face? No. Why? Because I'm not a fucking douche. Get over your gayness, because its probably the reason people like you get tied to trees and stoned to death.
4 way stop sign wavers.
Its amazing to me that about 87% of the time when I'm at a 4 way stop, I get waived through the intersection. Nothing pisses me off more than somebody not taking their fucking turn.
TAKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TURN, YOU'RE HOLDING UP TRAFFIC BECAUSE OF YOUR INDECISIVENESS AND HAND WAIVING!
A 4 Way stop is not the opportune time to be nice, or considerate, or neighborly to drivers around you, its the perfect time to do what you are supposed to do. Drive your fucking car, you cell phone talking, make up applying, playing with the radio, festering pile of retard.
For the life of me I can't think of a simpler traffic law than, whoever gets there first, goes first. That's it. And if you don't know who got to the intersection first, its probably because you're a fucking idiot and shouldn't be behind the wheel in the first place.
You know what is even worse? I usually make it easier for the drivers around me. I'll stop short, or roll to a stop late so they'll know if its their turn or not. But even with me doing this, the other driver will just fucking stare at me for about 3 seconds, then they'll waive me through....... EVEN THOUGH IT WAS CLEARLY THEIR FUCKING TURN. I know that in total this complaint probably only takes up 12 minutes in my life. But I ask you dear reader, if we have people in this country that cannot figure out the logistics of the 4 way stop, how in the mother of fuck are they going to get their hands around other complicated issues? I weep for our future.
How fucking hard is it to pay attention at a 4 way stop long enough to figure out at what point you reached that 4 way stop? Pay attention. If you don't I might just drag you from your car and beat you with my fucking tire iron. Then I will lay your crumpled mess of a body in the street and drive back and forth over you. You non driving ass clown.
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