Bring it in close, and let the big guy get his bear paws on ya.

Its Group Hug time fuckers!!!!

If your unfamiliar with this concept, its when I scour Group Hug to find the best it has to offer. Then we all laugh at them together. Such fun!

i once stuck a cucumber up my vagina when i was in 10th grade because i was so horny and i wanted to know what it felt like to be fucked. so i guess i lost my virginity to a cucumber

At least the cucumber wasn't your dad.

As a youth in the 80’s, my true aspirations, guiding life philosophy, and core beliefs were all shaped by the lyrics of Phil Collins, but now I hose goose shit off apartment sidewalks for a living.

I don't know what's worse. Listening to Phil Collins in the 80's or a 9 to 5 that has you cleaning feces off of concrete. I'm going with the collins thing.

A doctor told me my balls were kind of small. >:-(

They must be pretty small if he offered this information up. Small compared to what though? His? Your penis? The glory hole?

the gayest scene in brokeback mountain was not when they were assfucking, but rather when they were frolicking all queerlike the next morning with their shirts off. there i said it.

Its not gay unless you push back, or apparently frolic with your shirt off.

I sat outside of a tanning salon last week and told all the girls going in that no matter what they looked like, they couldn’t mask their ugly personalities.

Sure they can. With fake tittay's!

sometimes i heat 100 calories oreo’s with my hair straightener to enhance the flavor

I swear to god this is one of weirdest fucking confessions. Seriously. So many questions. Like, does it really enhance the flavor, and why the hair straightener, and what lead to this fucking experiment? Jesus.

I still listen to Hanson.

Who doesn't? Other than people with taste?

i once saw my own mother naked. i thought the bathroom door was closed so the pets wouldn’t get in. i opened it and was staring at my mom as she got out of the shower. it was horrible.

Same thing happened to me, but you know, I had my dick in my hand.

I am 20 years old and am sleeping with my boss. He gives me a couple hundred dollars everytime we do it, though I don’t ask for it. Sometimes it only lasts 10 minutes or so.
Damn, I average out to about $30 per minute.

Is he a pimp? Cause your a whore.

I’m straight, but lately I love to stroke my cock while imagining a cock in my mouth.I guess I’m not so straight

Am I the only fucking person that laughs like a hyena when people have moments of self realization like this? Its fucking awesome. I wish I was a fly on their Psychiatrist's wall.

my girlfriend is a slut.

Digits man, I need the motherfucking digits.

I have a friend who considers me to be stupid. He cares about me and likes me, but he still thinks I am stupid. This hurts me deeply.

Okay, which one of you wrote this?

Eight words.
I wish you had stayed in the coma.

One word. Awesome.

Well..
I can have sex standing up, or any way at that, but when its time to come, I gotta bend my left leg.
Once I had to tell the girl, ok, its been fun, but we gotta lay down, cause I gotta bend my left leg.

This is probably the funniest thing I have ever read. This dude needs write a book. I would fucking buy it in a heartbeat.

i had anal sex with my bf for the first time, it hurt at first but then it felt kinda good. but since then ive bin leaking green discharge … im really scared cos i dont know why?

Is your boyfriend Slimer from Ghostbusters? Gumby? The Fuck?