Meet our September Lady of the Pen!

If you're new to this concept allow me to explain. A single lady is selected from the website, Ladies of the Pen. Ladies of the Pen is a website for incarcerated women that are looking for romantic interludes while they are in, and getting out of prison. Their bio's and letters to us usually read like a white trash E-Harmony wish list, and are of course full of things to ridicule. As if making fun of desperate chicks wasn't good enough, we get to make fun of desperate chicks that are locked up.



Our monthly winner had it tough this month. The selection process was more rigorous than usual, which in internets speak means I had a lot of other shit going on. Like new tivo'd Kenny vs. Spenny episodes.
So without further adieu, I give you our September Winner. Tonisha




Here is Tonisha's bio
I'm thick in the thighs, cute in the face with slanted brown eyes. Got the body & brain of a goddess. I'm open minded, fun, out spoken, trustworthy, friendly, lovable, seductive, kind hearted. I like bowling, swimming, reading, writing, skiing, arcade games, talking on the phone, modeling, shopping. I love Victoria Secret thongs & bras. I enjoy modeling in my underwear at home. My best luscious sensual full lips, my white teeth, beautiful smile, all the right curves in all the right places and good skin. I'm down to earth, caring, understanding, smart, loyal, honest, faithful, this can go on and on. I'm a well put together woman. When God made me he took his time. I like cooking, bubble baths, candle lite dinners, baths. I'm single and attractive. I'm an individual who can truly be a good friend. Please write.

Lets dissect this hooligan together.

I'm thick in the thighs, cute in the face with slanted brown eyes.
Thick? More like Thack. Or Thackness. Or whatever the pluralized word is for thick. And having a fat face that squeezes your eyelids shut doesn't give you slanted eyes, it makes you sweaty and farsighted.

Got the body & brain of a goddess.
I'd like to know which goddess you are talking about? The goddess of eating? The goddess of ding dongs, and twinkies? Fried mayonnaise? Have you ever eaten just one of anything?

I'm open minded, fun, out spoken, trustworthy, friendly, lovable, seductive, kind hearted. I like bowling, swimming, reading, writing, skiing, arcade games, talking on the phone, modeling, shopping.
I love how Tonisha leaves out her favorite activities, like shanking inmates in the shower, making homemade hooch in her toilet, and lifting weights in population.


I love Victoria Secret thongs & bras. I enjoy modeling in my underwear at home.
Trust me. Never in the long history of fabric and silk, have they loved you. I can't even tell her what images have been conjured in my head when I imagined this,,,,this,,,thing. In a thong. It would remind me of Chris Farley doing a Chippendale's dance, then falling through a table. I imagine her hopping around on one leg as she stretched the thong out to try to get the other pillar of a leg into the other side. Picture it in your head right now. If Tonisha tried on a thong, it would take the better part of hockey season, and probably end with the same result. Covered in bruises, and no teeth left.
And who in the fuck is she modeling at home for? Does the Ebony version of Lane Bryant make housecalls?

My best luscious sensual full lips, my white teeth, beautiful smile, all the right curves in all the right places and good skin. I'm down to earth, caring, understanding, smart, loyal, honest, faithful, this can go on and on.
First off. Get your GED in prison Tonisha, because your sentence structure makes you look stupid. Well that and your picture. And you don't have curves in all the right places you have one curve. And we in America call that, Round.
You're down to earth? More so than others I suspect. That Newton. He's a motherfucker.

I'm a well put together woman. When God made me he took his time.
God had to take his time, there's a lot of you. Thanks to you there was less time for others. Now we're stuck with the fucking platypus.

I like cooking, bubble baths, candle lite dinners, baths.
Tonisha. Read what you just wrote again. Basically your telling me that you like eating and washing the sweat from eating off.
Quick question: How long does it take to run a bath for your whole body to get wet? 2 minutes? 1 and a half? When you dip your toe in the bathtub, does the water line go up 13 inches or so?


I'm single and attractive. I'm an individual who can truly be a good friend.
Tonisha can be a good friend because she is the equivalent of 4 people. So when you write her, and meet her, its like having your own personal clique.


Tonisha gets out of Prison next year in December, but I warn you, if you want to have a relationship with this thoroughbred you better start writing now! If you don't act quick someone else is going to saddle her up and ride off into the sunset.